Fan of doing things jankily, self-taught in HTML and CSS and I like taking other people's code apart and putting it back together. I draw. I'm an alter in a system, and a fictive of Coge* from Mediocre Ride. I experience psychosis regularly. My gender's got a weird thing going on. I believe in living as yourself and that there's always still time to do so.
I'm Coby and I do things messy. HTML & CSS hobbyist, ink-pen favoring illustrator, big fan of long car rides. Host-ish headmate in a system, proud psychosis-endurer, guy with a firm-standing fictional identity.
I split off sometime in the summer of 2023, but I started being an active member of Various Artists in late 2024. Shortly after my start in activity, I'd start my beloved project Mediocre Ride Mobile Viewer. That first ideration was made in about 4 hours, very sloppily, and I continued to improve it ever since.
I'm a fictive of Coge from Mediocre Ride (which isn't the most apparent from my appearance due to how much nuance there is but I digress), something I tried to cover up initially. Despite how core my fictive identity is to my being, I spent a lot of time trying to hide it out of shame and embarassment, even trying to gut myself of that part of me but inevitably failing. The process of accepting that part of myself was long and convoluted, with the majority of the work being "there's no real reason to care this much about what other people think, just live." It was very easy to get caught up in the idea that I must be [such-and-such] way, or perform as something that isn't myself, and unlearning that kind of thing is key. More on that later.
I've also had a pretty tough go with psychosis, tanking most of the symptoms for my system when our first ever major psychotic episode happened, lasting over a month without any sort of help or intervention. Despite how miserable it all was, in hindsight I do think it started to shape how I interacted with the world a bit differently; the idea that something doesn't have to be "real" to everyone else to be "real" (and terrifying!) to you. Folks who experience psychosis, or even just little bits of the experience like hearing voices or having small delusions (more common than you think!) get a lot of bad rap and are often the butt of the joke. Realizing how rampant ableism is against these types is very easy when you have the lived experience; I like to think I've been molded into a more open-minded and kind person by the experience.
How about that whole gender deal? After a pretty bad streak of events, I was left questioning the details of my very being, and I started feeling like maybe I had been pushing for an "ideal Coby" unconsciously. In hindsight, of course I was; for a good, long while, I was the only "public-facing" headmate, and I always wanted to make a good impression and have a clean act. That meant kicking my fictivity out of view, acting sane and rational, being less of a fanboy, keeping up my token "cis male"ness... I wanted people to see me as normal and approachable, still having all the nuance that any full-member had, but being clean and pretty to look at. When the time came to question just how much of me was an act I wanted to believe was true, gender came into the question. I was pretty nervous to approach it, because as dysphoric as I was, my "ideal Coby" was a safer idea. I was pushed out of my comfort zone, and I extremely hesitantly knocked at the door of femininity... And was welcomed in. Experimenting with presentation and how I'm percieved socially was scary, but it was honestly pretty freeing, because I was unclasping chains from myself that I'd been blind to prior. As for what my gender actually is, I'm still trying to figure out. :o)
Between the cracks of all my major life stuff, my life was pretty tame. I talk to my friends all the time, I code for all sorts of personal projects (like To Be Like You!) as well as projects for friends, I draw portraits and sometimes comics, traditionally and digitally. I take the long route to any place when I can just 'cus I like being in a vehicle for a long amount of time, I try as many different brands of burgers and mac and cheese as I can, I think about my memories from my source. I listen to music, I play video games, I fall in love and break out of it and fall in love again. I live because I like to.